The Non-dairy Conundrum

They should invent a word to describe the sensation you get when the pharmacist tells you that the problem you seem to be having is related to your sinus and so you should lay off the dairy products. As he counted the prescribed tablets, I replied, “Ok for how long?” to which he responded nonchalantly,  “Well I mean you should try to just lay off the dairy as much as possible.”.


When the pharmacist says to lay off the dairy products

I then began to feel quite *insert invented word for sensation here*. Was I hearing correctly or was this a case of mistaken identity? The temptation to run to a doctor for a second opinion was pressing or should I say first opinion since this was not a doctor after all (no offence). Either way, by second opinion I really mean a different opinion that would allow me to continue to consume the dairy products which I’ve grown to love. Is that too much to ask?

Well I guess it was. I began to think of alternatives but I was haunted by images of bread sticks (preferably Pizza Hut) and Creamy Alfredo pasta. I was in my own real life version of ‘Cloudy with a Chance of … every dairy food imaginable’. That night when it was time for my eat-before-taking-the-tablet dinner, I thought to myself hmm no cheese, ok cornflakes and mil…. no not that, crix and…hmmm …ok crix and jam it is! If this were to become a lifestyle change and a drive to be healthier then of course to Google we go. So there it was, now someone explain to me the sorcery of the following picture.


This picture is a screenshot I took while browsing a site that usually has good tips for these types of health/exercise/food related questions. You know things like, “What did I do to deserve this?”,”How to give up dairy and not die?”, “At home remedy to reverse a sinus diagnosis.” I was in the ‘Healthy Eating’ tab as you can see. How you gone advertise KFC on a site like this?? The juxtaposition made the temptation too real and the Zingers are too tasty, not to mention the popcorn chicken, coleslaw and biscuits. If ever there was a time to feel like Pepe the frog ’tis now.


Jesus take the wheel

Am I exaggerating a rather simple situation which people have endured for years? Am I being insensitive to those who have to refuse dairy by force and not by choice? Aren’t there now a wider assortment of non-dairy alternatives available than 10 years ago? Well perhaps so but one must vent and what better way, besides Facebook, to freely and publicly vent than on your very own blog?

In a strange way I’m looking forward to this change as a new adventure and a different experience that I’m hoping would all work out in the end. Sometimes the things that are best for us cause us to be uncomfortable at first but are always worth it. Be mindful that everyone has their no dairy story which at times is as ‘simple’ as that or an even greater and seemingly insurmountable challenge. Do your research, ask questions, support each other and you’d find that the weight will become a little lighter. Keep reading and look forward to more.

And remember: No dairy seems scary but sinus problems suck so don’t press your luck.


Spelling duz nut matter…part tree (3)

I once knew someone from Cuba who spent a great deal of time thinking that garden slaw was really written as ‘garden’s law’.Given the fact that English would not have been her first language, we can safely say that it’s a mistake which can be excused and laughed off even a few years later. In these cases of overlap with foreign languages we tend to be more understanding so I was really taken aback when I stumbled upon the following sign a few weeks ago. Funny enough, the picture I’m about to draw reference to is also slaw related hmmm…. very suspicious indeed *insert out of context reference to Illuminati conspiracy theory here*.


Firstly, I would like to know why the ‘&’ sign is imitating a one legged dollar sign, but as you will soon realise, this is the least of our worries. I was then tempted to give this blog the title of ‘Artistic Representation of a Dumb Blonde’ but my conscience stepped in somewhere to remind me of a few words and phrases such as care,morals, tact and of course the need to always be polite so as not to offend.

download-2However, my biggest concern is that I would like to know from whence cometh the spelling ‘coldslaw’. It is slaw and it is cold so why not right? Wrong! Even the pronunciation of that ‘d’ is highly unnatural,  (say it with me slowly….. colllDslaw, now laugh at how retarded you sound having said it more than once) it just takes too much effort and if it’s one thing we specialise in here in Trinidad and Tobago is using the least effort possible. Can I get an amen?

  • Paving roads?… least effort possible
  • Giving back pay…least effort possible
  • Any government related business….least effort possible
  • Customer service…..ERROR 404: NO EFFORT WHATSOEVER

Also, is that spelling of barbeque (BABEcue) supposed to be some sort of sick reference to the pig in the movie Babe? because…. #bbqpork #bbqpigtail #dohsaydat. If not then what is so great about it for it to be called not just BABEcue but ‘special BABEcue’ hmmmm. Now, being the person that I am, I purposefully passed back a few days later to see if there was anything special on the menu and by anything special I mean any incorrectly spelt words. I was not disappointed; see for yourselves.


Well, well, well, what do we have here? There was absolutely no indication that this was a Chinese restaurant and yet they are serving ‘butterfly BARKED chicken’. hhahahahaha Then they want to say that Chinee people don’t sell dog but when you look at the sign, survey says…… BARKED! Who let the dogs out?? Definitely not these people because apparently they were on the menu that day lol.

Or maybe this is just a long lost nursery rhyme that we never learnt, because if the cow could jump over the moon and the dish could run away with the spoon then who’s to say that the butterfly can’t bark the word chicken or that chicken can’t be butterfly barked? Absolutely no one, but have no fear because if your taste buds have yet to acquire the taste for man’s best friend you can always have the BABEcue special for $25. It changed from special babecue to babecue special, kudos for the variation in word order now work on that spelling. Needless to say, I won’t be able to blog about these things if everyone spelt every word correctly, if everyone took those apparently long and excruciatingly painful 60 seconds to simply review and correct their signs before putting them on display. Thank you to all my unsuspecting providers of blogging material.

Stay tuned for part four of this series!

Dinner is served


Being the crazy, idle individual that I am, I took this picture about two years ago. Now, being the creative person that I am, I saw it on my phone recently and can now use it for this week’s photo opinion.

For those ignorant folks out there who were not privileged enough to see this exotic product on the shelves allow me to use my vast knowledge and advanced search engine skills to wow you aka I’d google’dry black fungus’ and proceed to blog about it as if I always knew this information 🙂

Black fungus is simply a type of mushroom, but talk about preferred word choice for packaging in this somewhat close minded Caribbean island. Or rather let me speak for myself because I for one had to double read to make sure that I was seeing correctly and then I thought to myself…”Ok cool but do people REALLY eat this” and bet you the answer is yes. If you care to know or even if you don’t, continue reading because you’ll learn something new.

Black fungus must be soaked before it is prepared after which it expands to about 4 times its original size. It is said that it does not absorb the taste of the seasonings it is cooked with but has a taste of its own. It is sometimes favoured in Chinese soups for its slippery yet crunchy texture (Yup still talking about that fungus, yum!) In Chinese medicine, it is used to improve blood circulation and also to relieve atherosclerosis.


Three pieces in the original state and one on the right showing the fungus after it expands.

I think it’s only fitting to casually mention the viral video of the men skinning the dog. It’s a topic that has been debated for some time. It’s the video that leads you to question yourself as you muster up your best math skills and start calculating ratios and whatever else math brains calculate, checking the number of times you’ve ever eaten chinee food (as we say) to see if the odds are in your favour. Katniss isn’t the only one that ought to be afraid because we seem to have our own version of the hunger games right here so eat at your own risk.

Well, while some have chosen the ignorance is bliss route and carry on happily, others are typical Trinis who make it into a joke stating that the menu offers “noodles and poodles”. Intellectuals have reminded us that such a delicacy will never be sold to us while unbelievers make their vows to never eat Chinese food again….yeah right, vows that may last as long as a New Year’s resolution because SWEET AND SOUR CHICKEN, WANTONS, PINEAPPLE CHICKEN etc *stop drooling!!*. Or should I say ‘chicken’?

Well all joke aside, I think it’s something that will boil down in no time until another video is released or for whatever reason someone decides to stomp on that ants’ nest. In the meantime, accepting these differences in cuisine among different cultures be it dry,black fungus or mystery meat of some sort, is no impossible task in a callaloo pot like Trinidad and Tobago.


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