#2

Game of love

I entered the room and our eyes locked instantly
Suddenly my palms became sweaty
I didn’t realise that being weak in the knees was meant literally
And that my heart could beat so fast and yet not fail me

I want you

That was the thought I repeated
Like that annoying song you catch yourself singing
Because it drove me crazy but I couldn’t let it go
Too closed off to say I’d give you a chance
Too hurt to enter the realm of romance

My overwhelming fear disqualified me from this game called love
Until my vulnerability let me back in
Only to end up a loser yet again
You knew the rules or invented them along the way
I wonder. Which was your favourite game to play?

Truth or dare:
Do you dare me to take this chance with you?
Because I can tell that the feelings are true

Clue:
It was YOU who stole MY HEART with the weapon of YOUR WORDS in the place where I felt most comfortable, YOUR ARMS.

Twister:
Joyful roller coaster filled with colour
Didn’t matter if we fell,we always started over

Tetris:
Determined to make it work till we realised the pieces just didn’t fit
Yet I still pondered for a while when the screen prompted me ‘Are you sure you want to quit?’

Snakes and ladders:
The usual ups and downs, inevitable setbacks
We took one step forward but always made three steps backwards

Ludo:
Trying to no avail to find a way home
Striving to make a good impression on your family
But maybe for not being the right colour they couldn’t accept me

Monopoly:
It seems that all you had just wasn’t satisfying
The girls next door were more enticing
Why not take a card from the community chest?
But flip it over and see what you really get

Cards:
Suddenly one fell to the floor
Like you it was nothing but a joker
I decided that maybe it was time to start over
What I’m trying to say is goodbye, game over

Unanswered questions

 
How?

When?

Why?

What… did I get myself into?

 

If I knew that it would have started with a simple glance

Would I risk it now? Would I take that chance?

Your smile triggered a chain reaction

A whirlpool of feelings, emotional satisfaction

 

Yet these are the ones that I’ve come to hate

It seems like they came just a little too late

Don’t be surprised by the little child’s frown

The hate filled reply ‘Why can’t I have it? I waited so long’

 

Although by our words we can say it no longer

When words fly away, actions speak louder

I try to not be the one who’s left holding on

‘Cause when a heart breaks no it don’t break even’

 

Yet you understand it all, the thoughts in my head

Isn’t it funny how what’s worth the most are the things left unsaid

I’ll rather spend forever with you being silent by intention

Than listen to forced and fabricated verses of your affection

 

So what’s left?

 

A bittersweet memory

An unpublished fairy tale

A saddened heart

A dream in flight

..False hope

 

And in that letter I wrote to you saying:

‘I stepped onto the bridge of love to reach you but it collapsed beneath my feet

Unable to sustain the weight brought on by my inability to love you

While loving you at the same time

And from the other side you watched silently

Unable to lend the hand that I was painfully longing to hold’

 

And as much as it may seem

It can never suffice to express all that I feel

But I know that in my heart what I feel you feel as well

Even though you make it so at times I can’t quite tell

But if it’s one thing that always gets me through

Is knowing that with love there can never be a me without you

What if

 

It seems smart to avoid what brings the most pain

But hmmm… then again…

 

I just can’t, I held up for so long but I adore pain is what it seems like

Now I know the pain of losing this fight

How do you cope with a dream that was broken from the start?

When you found out too late and knew you couldn’t turn back

Or rather you ignored earlier warnings resulting in your self-inflicted pain

Was it all time spent in vain?

 

Don’t want to be stuck in the memory

‘What’ and ‘If’ so perfect when they’re apart

But together it hurts, it rips out your heart

Seems much like the story we both share

Much like the reason for every tear

And so as much as I try to erase it from my mind

There’s always that ‘what if’ brewing on the inside

 

What if:

Fairy tales went beyond just endless lines

And everlasting love was not impossible to find

 

What if:

Your heart’s desire would coincide with the other

Bringing the happiness you sought after

 

What if:

You didn’t have to depend on what others would say

Cause you experienced it yourself. Luckily hope passed your way

 

What if:

You could just bask in the freedom of expressing how you felt

Knowing without a doubt that what people said was what they meant

 

They say, ‘What would you attempt to do if you knew you couldn’t fail?’

What WOULDN’T I do seems more appropriate

Hmmm. What would I do?

 

Have you ever realised how we react when we get the ‘freedom’ we so longed for

The way all the things we planned seem to exist no more

It’s because we know all too well what we ought to do

And fool ourselves into thinking that the false things in life must somehow be true

 

But I no longer want to be a fool for loving you

When we both know it’s never coming true

I can no longer falsify what remains a reality

The obvious and fatalistic separation between you and me

So again I’m starting over hoping that even if a little you can in some way identify

Cause we promised not to say another word and I really try

 

Even as I close this envelope and send it far away

I know that there’s so much I didn’t say

But true love has a way of filling those spaces

And so all I wrote was all that was needed

 

Signed, sealed and delivered

Most truly, Your Forbidden love